I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
