maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
