she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
