I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
