If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i will never coherently bang her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
