I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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