Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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