Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
