I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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