my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
