Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
