As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
