That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
