I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize