38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
