I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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