I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
