I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
