Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your penis caused this!
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