That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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