I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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