She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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