Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
