did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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