just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
