you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize