So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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