CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
