i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
