some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
