Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize