Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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