I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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