My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
