there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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