She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
