She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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