you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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