She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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