Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
