Do you still have your period?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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