it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
