Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize