Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
