Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
