Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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