I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
