I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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