I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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