You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
