My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
