i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
