Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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