3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
