I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
