She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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