he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
