see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
