So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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