Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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