Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
