If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
