Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
