Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
