I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
