We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize