Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dear god my vagina.
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