You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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