If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
