**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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