Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
